Day Four--I Can't Quiet My Insides

I'm writing in the morning because I was just too tired last night to write. It was a busy day: out of bed at 8:30 (quite a feat for me in the summer), breakfast, shower, school, meeting, pick up t-shirts for my SCA officers, home, make dinner, yoga, then soon to bed. Though busy, it was another good day.

As subtly mentioned on day three, I'm a bit of a worrier. Yesterday held its fair share of stress-inducing subject matter. I woke up thinking that the t-shirts wouldn't be done in time for my kids to wear at their leadership workshop, then moved on to stressing about all of the planning that needs to be done before the school year begins and not getting to see my sister Mollie, who lives in Louisiana, when she's visiting family in North Carolina. Add on to that my fear of overcooking the pork chops at dinner, and you've got the perfect storm, much like the one that was brewing outside of the townhouse. There were other concerns, of course, but these were the big ones.

You'd think that by now I'd have learned that everything always works out somehow, whether I worry over it or not. When my meeting ended at 1:30, I pulled out lunch to enjoy in the quiet of my empty classroom. Vietnamese chicken salad: chunks of ginger- and garlic-poached chicken served over bean sprouts, mint, and scallions, all tossed in a light dressing of lime juice, fish sauce, sriracha (Asian chili sauce), garlic, and ginger. I absolutely love the crunch of bean sprouts, and I enjoyed the balance of flavors in this dish. I wasn't sure how Steve would like it, considering that I've been cooking a lot of Asian recipes this week. He said it was his favorite lunch so far. As I sat crunching away, I received an e-mail that the shirts would be ready by two. Hoping my lucky streak would continue, I called Mollie. After much happy giggling, we discovered that, not only would we have three days together in North Carolina, but that two of those days are our birthdays. All I can say to that is, "Yay!"

After a bit of scheduling in my day planner (yes, I still use pencil and paper to keep a calendar), my best defense against a great deal of needed planning, I headed over to pick up t-shirts (so cute!) and finally arrived back home where I had maybe an hour to vegetate before starting dinner. As I gathered ingredients on the counter, Steve called from the living room, "We're under a tornado warning!" Great. I hope you want pork chops for your last meal. With slight trepidation, I quickly made dinner: pan-seared pork chops with mustard glaze, sweet potato mash, and stuffed zucchini. I had no idea that it would be dark and rainy when we ate this meal, but it was sublime comfort food for a night like last night. Five inches of rain hammered the parched earth, and we ate. I looked at Steve no less than five times and declared, "This is soooo good!" I'm not too proud to tell you that I was really sad after the last bite of salty, creamy zucchini. By the way, the pork chops were not overcooked.

We soon faced the last big obstacle of the day: yoga. On P90X, yoga is a 92-minute workout. It's the one that I look forward to the least. The first half is a vinyasa series: plank to chaturanga to upward dog, back to plank, downward dog, float one heel in the air, swing through to runner's pose, then to warrior or triangle or chair or right angle. Brutal. Last night, though, we did yoga against the sound of rain. Have I told you yet that I love rain? It reminds me of a Counting Crows song, I can't even remember which one right now. In it, Adam just wants it to rain so that something will be different. I think that's how I feel. If I closed my eyes, I could pretend that I was doing yoga in an outdoor pavilion on a mountaintop, having this life-changing, spiritual experience while the rain poured around me. Ninety-two minutes later I descended from my mountaintop, exhilirated at what I had accomplished and ready for the glass of wine that I had purposely saved for this moment.

The first time I attempted yoga, it didn't go so well. I was with my three girls from college: Helen, Kelley, and Meredith. We decided to take a yoga class at the rec center near Kelley's house. The lights were low, the instructor's voice was smooth and calming, and I was willing to chew off my arm to escape. I didn't know any of the poses, and I felt ridiculous. I kept picturing the yoga class from a scene in Sex and the City in which the instructor walks around saying, "Quiet your insides." All I could think was, I can't quiet my insides! I vowed never to do yoga again. However, just like with sushi, I had a strong desire to like yoga. Wii Fit taught me the basic poses, and P90X pushes me like I would never push myself if left to my own devices. Last night I learned to quiet my insides.

The next challenge: learn how to quiet my insides when I'm worried about work or money or missing people that I love. Because in the end, everything will work out. As Tony Horton says, "Just clear your mind and breathe." And even if I do end up facing that which I fear the most, if it doesn't kill me, it can only make me stronger.